Today I woke up before a 14-hour workday to workout at 7:00 a.m. I decided to weigh myself before working out to see where I was weight-wise. My time of working two jobs is coming to a close after tomorrow and I've been extremely conscious of my weight and the anticipation of losing some pounds with the extra free time I will gain. But just because I've been conscious about my weight, doesn't mean I've really been doing anything about it thus far. When I stepped on the scale this morning, I weighed 174.6 pounds. This should not have come as much surprise to me since I only weighed about two pounds more than I had weighed earlier in the week. But somehow that sudden jump shocked me.
I remember telling myself when I was much younger that I would never want to weigh over 170 pounds my whole life. I don't know why I chose that arbitrary amount, but it's stuck in my head ever since. And now here I am, 22 (going on 23) years old and I'm almost 5 pounds over that.
The worst part is that only in a matter of 5 months after graduating college, I had gained almost 15 POUNDS! Isn't that disgusting? How could it happen so fast? Part of me wants to rationalize and say, "Well... that's only 3 pounds a month, which is totally healthy to lose in a month..." I hate myself for thinking it. Rationalizing gaining 15 pounds in less than half a year is insane. If I kept up with this rate for a year, I could gain over 30 altogether! I would be inching close to 200 pounds.
I've had issues with weight my whole life. In middle school I started getting chubby and decided to starve myself and workout in an insane way that made me lose about 25 pounds in less than 2 months. It was incredibly unhealthy and my mom threatened to take me to therapy. That snapped me out of it. But since then, I've maintained a pretty poor weight self-image. I was pretty thin in high school, staying about 125-130 with soccer and field hockey. But after I graduated high school, the problems intensified. I went to Italy for my graduation gift and within that summer, had gained about 10 pounds.
Then starting college made it harder with all of the delicious food at my fingertips. I started working out on my own, which I never really did in high school, so I saw it as an improvement. Since then, I've been back and forth with my weight, but gaining healthier eating habits. But those habits have gone now that I'm back home. My whole family is extremely overweight and does not value fruits and veggies. It's a "meat and potatoes" kind of home.
The truth is, I could come up with a number of valid excuses as to why I've gained weight. But ultimately it is my own fault. I let those excuses allow me to gain 15 pounds in 5 months. I am the one in charge of my own body and something needs to change, which is why I started this blog today. I've done journals and started fad diets before, but I'm hoping this time will make the difference. If I can't believe that, then I will continue to gain weight and potentially ruin my life and my career in television.
This blog is for myself alone. I actually hope no one reads it because it might be slightly humiliating. But I feel like trying something slightly more public might make me feel a little more accountable than all of the other times before.
Many fad diet plans say that writing your journey down is a huge element to success, so hopefully this blog will lead to my ultimate success.
So what's my goal weight? I am shooting a little higher so as to be more realistic. I would really love to get down to 140 pounds. I'm 5'6'', so 140 lb. is a perfectly healthy and reasonable weight. I'm not worried about being stick thin like I was when I was younger. I have joined the "fit revolution" as I like to call it. I love the idea that people are pushing on the internet about how women should focus more on being "strong and fit" than "skinny." As a feminist, I see it as focusing on your health more than your looks. And that's what I want to feel - healthy and strong.
I don't want to strategically hide my fat under my clothes anymore. I want to look in the mirror and feel happy about how I look. I want to work out hard and not feel like a wimp doing it.
So I want to be 140 pounds, but in what time frame? I have to admit that I'm afraid if I make a time frame and I don't make it, it will set me back entirely. But maybe I can make the simple goal of losing a pound a week for now. I know that seems kind of backwards since it's supposed to be easier to lose more weight in the beginning than in the middle, but I don't want to scare myself off this time around.
I have some ideas on how to develop my diet and exercise plan, but I'm running out of time and need to start getting ready for work soon. I really want to post every day and hope I will. I like how I feel thus far about it and hope to continue it. So cheers to a new beginning that will hopefully be the rest of my life.
I'll post more tomorrow on my plan of attack, but I will officially start my new beginning on Saturday when I'm finally free of Mt. Vernon Restaurant hopefully FOREVER.
TTFN
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